Monday, January 18, 2010

Satan Writes to Pat Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.



From a letter to the Minneapolis Star and Tribune



jams o donnell said...

AH so Par has a pact too... well at least Satan will have the satisfaction of having violated by his acolytes of evil for all eternity!

jams o donnell said...

Err I meant Pat!

Desert Mystery said...


How does this guy manage to run his own TV show!

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute. Didn't Danny Glover say that the earthquake was a punishment for the failure at Copenhagen?

Glover: "And I hope we seize this particular moment because the threat of what happens in Haiti is the threat that can happen anywhere in the Caribbean to these island nations, you know?

They're all in peril because of global warming; they're all in peril because of climate change. When we see what we did at the climate summit in Copenhagen, this is the response, this is what happens, you know what I'm saying?

But we have to act now.

Talk about your nutty liberal religions...

Nevin said...

Ren: I would personally like to thank Satin for an honest and truthful letter. :) Who would have known Satin was that ethical?

Susan O said...

Pat gets crazier by the day. Makes you wonder if it is dementia and no one diagnosed it yet or if they have they are pretending he doesn't have it.

Frank Partisan said...

Jams: Definitely Pat.

Desert Mystery: I believe he owns the network, that produces his show.

FJ: I think Glover was wrong, but not mean spirited like Pat was.

Nevin: I always wondered why Satan would make hell hellish, and not a paradise?

Susan O: Thank you for visiting. Robertson has always been like that.

the spanish prisoner said...

Poor Satan never gets any respect, not even from Pat Robertson.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Pat Robertson's just "Mean" spirited? You mean he's NOT a racist? And the poseur/writer of the letter, what's he?

SecondComingOfBast said...

"I think Glover was wrong, but not mean spirited like Pat was."

Yeah, right Ren, it's perfectly reasonable to think that "Gaea" would be so pissed off at China for derailing the Copenhagen Summit, and at all the developed and developing nations of the world for not coming up with a satisfactory alternative, that she would take all her rage and frustration at their failure out on the most impoverished nation in the Western Hemisphere. That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

At least when Robertson's God gets pissed off at somebody he takes it out on the people that actually did something to piss him off.

The kind of things you believe in, or say you believe in, are a reflection of what kind of person you are. Robertson is just ignorant. Danny Glover is a world class fuckhead.

The Sentinel said...

Renegade Eye,

“I always wondered why Satan would make hell hellish, and not a paradise?”

Because he is supposed to be evil!

Frank Partisan said...

Pagan: When you call Glover a "fuckhead," you are only degrading yourself.

Spanish Prisoner: Remember Rodney Dangerfield? No respect.

FJ: Mean spirited is accurate. See 9/11.

Frank Partisan said...

Sentinel: See Jonah.

Satan is in competition to some extent with G_d.

SecondComingOfBast said...


Maybe you're right. Let me rephrase. Danny Glover is a world class asshole.

Also, Satan didn't make hell, God made it to put Satan there, and Satan wants to take us all there with him to get back at God. He's even more of a little bitch than Danny Glover.

Anonymous said...

There are loopy people on the far left and the far right. Those of us who hover just right and left of center should band together to dismiss these nimrods whenever they make clear-thinking humans look bad.

Anonymous said...

You sound familiar anonymous; wonder how you might be…

Ducky's here said...

Thanks for sharing, ren. I needed a chuckle today.

Frank Partisan said...

Anonymous: I think of the right and left as drunks, and myself representing sobriety. I embrace contradiction.

Pagan: Still you are making yourself look bad.

Ducky: Funny how Robertson and tragedy go together.

Larry Gambone said...

Pat Roberson and all the others like him 1. worship Mammon, 2 favor war 3. hate. Now what is the name of the name of the mythological being who exemplifies these traits?

"Pleased ta meet cha, hope ya guess mah name..."

We should never refer to Robertson and his ilk, the label they claim for themselves - but rather their true nature - which is the rankest form of Satanism.

roman said...


Do you really think that 79 year old Pat Robertson "likes war" and "hates"?
That's just sad. Not for Pat but for you.
Old people say crazy things.. it's how much value we endow to them that matters.

white rabbit said...

How can a country ,ake a pact with the devil?

Do countries have souls?

Jus askin...

Maybe Pat will explain ;)

Larry Gambone said...

Roman, check out how he acts. Has he ever stood up against and of the US imperial wars or terrorism in Latin America? Does he not spout hate against a whole list of people - like gays, feminists, socialists, environmentalists, non-Christians etc? Look - a follower of Jesus, he ain't! If you want to find true Christians look toward the Catholic Workers, Mennonites, Quakers etc but not from twisted creatures like PR.

sonia said...

Pat Robertson is an idiot, but strangely enough he was actually refering to an ACTUAL EVENT that really took place on August 14, 1791 at Bois-Caïman near Cap-Haïtien, when a group of voodoo priests gave their blessing to black revolutionary leaders. It wasn't Devil worship of course, but it wasn't exactly approved by the Vatican neither...

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